Understanding Another - Reaping my reward

For the first time ever, the girls are sleeping in a room apart from their brother. Usually, this works for the girls since they have each other. But our son is a different story. Much like me growing up, the hall light must stay on, the nightlight in his room must be visible, there can't be any strange shadows on the wall, and he needs someone to sleep with him to, in his words "feel so comfy and warm."

About a month or so ago, after nightly requests to spend the night with Abi and Abu, where he sleeps in between them, I finally put two and two together. It's not that he's "comfy and warm" when someone sleeps with him, it's that he feels safe when he's literally enveloped in love. Who doesn't?

Physically feeling the hug and warmth of one of his adoring grown-ups makes him feel cared for in a way that can't be accomplished by my previous, very logical, bedtime routine of reminding him that his big dogs were right outside his window watching out for him, that the doors were locked, and that daddy and I would always protect him. It shouldn't have taken me that long to figure it out, but jealousy, like most emotions, can be a powerful alarm bell. For me, a very uncomfortable one. I was jealous that our son didn't want to be in "our home" or "with us," and that he "preferred" his grandparents. I didn't want to feel that, but my heart and mind were trying to tell me something and, in our family's case, I knew, logically, it wasn't that our son needed to grow apart from his loving grandparents. It was something else.

I read once that relationships, with family, friends, lovers, pets, you name it, help us meet our human needs and that we tend to have multiple because no one person can fulfill them all. My jealousy and I guess the memory of what I once read, made me realize that there is no need to be jealous. My son isn't rejecting me or preferring his grandma. He simply had a need that his parents weren't filling but my mom was. Bam! Jealousy has very recently, with near-nightly reminders to self, turned to a full, grateful heart and, if I'm honest, understanding and empowerment.

First and foremost, I am so grateful that our six year old has so many loving folks to turn to when he needs something. The list is looong. Four adoring grandparents. Two admiring little sisters. Two beloved older "sister-cousins." Two doting blood-related aunt and uncle, and their just-as-doting spouses. At least one non-blood-related aunt and uncle where he feels safe enough to literally bust through their front door and feel like he's home. At least four other non-blood-related aunts/uncles he loves to visit with. And of course us. With all these loving folks in his life, it's no wonder that, as his Tiita (literally translated as little aunt) says, "Lolo gets what Lolo wants" (which I'm now also hearing as "what he needs"). This makes my heart so full. I am so deeply happy for him.

But then, there's understanding and empowerment. The two things that are making my heart full and happy for me. If I always intuited this, I am now fully aware that one of my son's love languages, at least when he's scared, is physical touch. This understanding has empowered me. It's up to me. I have a choice. I can jump into bed with him for a few minutes each night until he falls asleep, I am blessed with the option of letting him go sleep with his grandparents, or I can enforce that, sometimes, he's just got to go to sleep on his own.